THE ART OF LETTING GO.

If you have been waiting for a sign, this is it. This is your permission to let go.

The lesson: Stop trying to resuscitate the dead. Stop trying to water an already dead flower. 

The ability to let go, to not grasp tightly at things, people, places and moments which refuse to stay willingly is a childish trait I was born with and have carried like a blanket of comfort. In exposing myself, in order to remain true to the purpose of this blog I am going to admit, reluctantly that it derives from an internal sense of entitlement. I was raised to believe that I could have, be, go anywhere that I wished, if I felt it truly within me, I was raised to believe I was invincible… and in the name of honesty, that sense of entitlement still lives within me like a small, dim but nonetheless burning candle. The real burden, however, of this all is the frustration and sense of loss that accompanies the feeling when I realise that my sense of entitlement does not always align with the universe, God, spirit’s plans for me… that my path was not written entirely by me and that my life story does not have one author, but multiple.

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Beyond this however, is more of a selfless reason… when I love, when I care I do so in fullness, with the entirety of my very being. The friendships, the relationships in my life, both romantic and platonic I invest heavily into and the thought of this image which I feel I have so carefully constructed I feel entitled to, I feel that I have every right to protect it, I feel that I have legal ownership of it. It has taken me almost 20 years to conclude that this attachment is doing more harm than good. The minute we have the urge to hold onto a moment, a person, a place, a relationship… is the minute it is dead. The natural flow of life and laws of the universe, such as synchronicity and the power of our own energy teaches us that each moment, each action has a consequence and we must keep moving with that flow… to attach to a moment is to block progression both internally and externally. To work against this natural flow won’t provide you with a sense of security or clarity or gratitude in having obtained what it is that you so deeply desire, instead it will prevent you from having what it is that you not only truly desire but deserve and need. In order to grow, to truly expand into who we are meant to be we must follow this flow… we must move on from relationships that are no longer serving us and take with gratitude the lessons that they have taught us, to understand that what was once for us no longer is and that this is a sign of growth and to accept it in order to allow yourself to expand and grow into a better version of yourself is to perform self-love. I don’t know about you, but I am excited to meet the woman that I am becoming.

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The true art of letting go is in isolating oneself from the notion of self-entitlement, to understand that each loss is not entirely a loss, but a greater lesson that the world is providing you. The art of letting go requires us to destroy the idea of attachment that is used to disguise self-entitlement, it is this attachment that destroys the magic of living. It’s easily we find ourselves in the perfect moment and how we become so deeply entangled in the awful truth that this is not a forever-thing and soon enough the pink of watercolour skies begins to fade and the beauty within the image of the present is tainted. This sense of dread becomes overwhelming, but the real tragedy is that you have strayed too far from this perfect moment to truly live it. The juxtaposition of emotions that arise in knowing that nothing is permanent and everything is constantly changing, shifting, growing… and the enjoyment of the moment… in itself is an art form. 

So, perform. 

 

 

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Epiphanies & Quarter Life Crises

YOUR BECOMING DOESN’T RELY ON THE SUPERFICIAL THINGS. " -Juansen Dizon

Something that my father has always expressed openly is the importance of self-commitment, of self-expression and holding close the most genuine parts of our soul. I was raised to keep a steady expression, even if my voice quavered, I was taught that my small legs at the age of 7 could take me to wherever it was that I felt drawn to… whatever it was that felt right to me. It does not matter what carriage or plane or boat we take, nor how bumpy our ride is, but that our mind and soul is steady in knowing that the direction feels right.

I have always struggled with resonating with one particular identity and wearing it permanently, the thought of permanency frightens me, and I change my goals and visions more frequently than I browse online clothing sites. I play with personalities and identities in order to suit my latest discovery to add to my collection of self-identity, maybe I’m just sentimental for a childhood that was taken too quickly… you know like how we used to play those games where you would switch up a character’s top, shirt, dress, shoes, hat etc. in order to mismatch?

Maybe, doctor Freud would say that I internalised a too soon stolen game of identity matching, or ‘Guess who?’. Or maybe, I’m just 19 years old and overwhelmed with the possibility of being anything I put my mind to… maybe, I just want to be everything because I can be everything.

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I’ve come to the conclusion that it is less of the reason, or more of the journey that is important, the process of drawing together your shirt… your shoes… your dress is no different to the process of laying out your career, your degree, your friends, your belief.

The discovery is in the journey, and what a long and tiresome one it shall be, but what a small price to pay for a sense of self.